High School Exit Exam
by Atheist
Summary: Rated for language. In the POV's of a few of the fellowship members (and others), take a walk into their own shoes...to see what it feels like to take...*bam!* the High School Exit Exam. VERY FUNNY FIC (?)...will guarantee laughter!!!!


Damn. . .I just took the HSEE, and boy did I suffer! I thought my brain was going to melt right then and there. I WANTED TO SCREAM!!!! That test was so damn easy! Why the fuck do we have to waste our time taking them?! Most of the answers are right there on the testing pages themselves! How frickin' stupid do these people think we are? Anyway, I got this idea after reading a language arts question. . .it reminded me of Gollum.  
  
If you don't like stupid/silly fics, then don't read this one. Oh, and I don't know WHY! But when I load this story onto ff.net, the paragraphs don't come out. . .properly. So that's why there are periods an' stuff to separate some things. If there's anything special that you have to do to get italics, could someone please tell me how to get them to show up on ff.net? Thanks.  
  
Reviews are welcome, but are not necessary. However, I DO hope that Anu says something. . .we wuv her too.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, none of them are mine. I worship Tolkien.  
  
Anything that holds a symbol before it means that the impending sentence is a thought  
  
.  
  
Povs, in this story:  
  
Gollum/Smeagol  
  
Sarumon  
  
Legolas  
  
Boromir  
  
Frodo  
  
.  
  
High School Exit Exam  
  
By: Atheist  
  
.  
  
Gandalf eyed the class with a critical look and clasped his hands behind his back. Walking towards the front of the class, he motioned for the Student Aid to pass out the test papers and hand a number two pencil to each of the students.  
  
His voice boomed from behind his meek, bushy gray beard.  
  
"Cheating will NOT be tolerated. . .I will be watching each of you with the eyes of a hawk. . .cheat, and YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"  
  
A few sniggers could be heard from the back-end of the class where four hobbits - three smirking, one frowning- sat.  
  
(Get it? Back-end, Baggins?)  
  
Gandalf's dark orbs narrowed when he spotted the four midgets, but he continued to speak to the class with a strict, condemning tone.  
  
A shuffling of papers.  
  
"You have forty minutes to complete the language part of the test. . . you may all beginnnnnn. . . riiiiiight, now."  
  
Desks scraping across the floors.  
  
Pencils swiftly breaking the seals enclosing the test booklets.  
  
============[]==O  
  
+ = the pov of gollum  
  
- = the pov of smeagol  
  
.  
  
Gollum started at the first question and gasped.  
  
+ We knows this Smeagol, we knows!  
  
- Yes, Gollum, we knows. . .  
  
Scrambling quickly over to the answer sheet, Gollum glanced at the question to make sure that his guess was right:  
  
.  
  
Choose which word best fits the blank in each sentence-  
  
My friend and I like to (blank) on our activities.  
  
A) focus  
  
B) focused  
  
C) focusing  
  
D) focuses  
  
.  
  
Gollum nodded his head in confirmation, and darkened the bubble that held the answer choice 'D'  
  
============[]==O  
  
( ) = thoughts  
  
(Oh, fuck this)  
  
Sarumon scoffed at the taunting questions and tapped the eraser part of his pencil onto the desk. He slouched down into his seat and 'humphed.'  
  
*tap tap tap tap tap*  
  
(I don't need this shit. . .)  
  
Grabbing the test booklet Sarumon leafed through the pages and stopped a few flips later. A peculiar question had caught his attention.  
  
.  
  
Which of these answer choices is NOT an opinion:  
  
A) It is assumed that hobbits love to eat too much  
  
B) The best way to destroy a fellowship is to take away the one with magic  
  
C) Three hobbits plus two hobbits equals five hobbits  
  
D) Every time you plan to take over Middle Earth, the first thing that you should do is kill the one with magic  
  
E) It is recommended that the one with magic should die first if you are evil, and want to win  
  
.  
  
(Fuck! This question is SO fuckin' easy!)  
  
Sarumon darkened the answer choices B, D, and E. . .  
  
============[]==O  
  
( ) = thoughts  
  
Legolas, the one with long, honey hair and clear blue eyes, carefully folded the booklet back and smoothed back his hair. He had been preparing for this test for three weeks, and thanked his parents for giving him his wisdom. Taking in a deep breath he grabbed the yellow pencil and attacked the circular circles with a passionate ardor.  
  
~  
  
Three minutes later Legolas stopped at question forty-two to crack his knuckles and close his eyes for a moment. He hummed a melodious tune to himself quietly and almost fell asleep before he jolted to reality, remembering that he still needed to finish the test.  
  
Sitting up straight he gave all of his attention to question forty-three:  
  
.  
  
Read the following question. How could the word(s), bracketed in, improve the sentence? Choose the BEST available answer.  
  
My friend thinks that she [don't] like cats, but I think that she [do] like cats.  
  
A) does not. . .does  
  
B) doesn't. . .indeedy, very much indeedy,  
  
C) wilt not. . .would certainly  
  
D) Leave as is  
  
.  
  
Legolas' eyes looked like they were about to pop out from their sockets.  
  
(A? No, C?)  
  
Eliminating choices B and D. . .Legolas felt a small drop of sweat slip from his forehead. He stared at the question and read it over.  
  
A) My friend thinks that she [does not] like cats, but I think that she [does] like cats.  
  
C) My friend thinks that she [wilt not] like cats, but I think that she [would certainly] like cats.  
  
Ah! Legolas read the question over two more times. His brows furrowed in intense concentration. Old English told him to choose choice 'C,' but common sense told him that the correct answer was 'A.'  
  
Smacking his left hand over his eyes- Legolas couldn't resist, and marked in the circle with the letter 'C.'  
  
============[]==O  
  
( ) = thoughts  
  
(My, my. . .my)  
  
Stooping over his test, Boromir looked at the letters in smeared black ink that had been hastily written onto his palm.  
  
(A, D, A, B, C, D, B, A. . .)  
  
He had snitched the answers to the exit exam off of his friend Tyins and smiled with content. Boromir pretended to contemplate a few of the questions before darkening in his answers.  
  
After a few minutes he looked at his finished results and back down at the answer sheet.  
  
Down.  
  
Down.  
  
Down below the multiple choice questions, was lined paper.  
  
An essay.  
  
(WHAT?! AN ESSAY?!)  
  
Looking disbelieving at his misfortune, he let out a small squeak before reading the given prompt and starting the beginning of his end- the essay.  
  
============[]==O  
  
( ) = thoughts  
  
Frodo, the shy mysterious one with the pretty shiny ring, was in his invisible mode.  
  
He stood quietly behind the smart-ass elf and scratched down Legolas' answers onto his own paper.  
  
(This is SO easy. . .)  
  
Pausing, Frodo watched Legolas stiffen for a moment, but wasn't afraid. Legolas would never tattle on him, even if Legolas had proof.  
  
Frodo smiled, then frowned when his answer-supplier started to cover his dark circles with another piece of paper and crouched over the testing materials.  
  
(Damn. . .that was one smart elf)  
  
Frodo shrugged this off and walked back to his seat before taking off the ring. He only had five more question left to go over, and had the rest of the thirty minutes to write his essay.  
  
============[]==O  
  
"Stack your answer sheets on that table," pointed Gandalf, "and leave your test booklets on your desks."  
  
He motioned for the door to open with a flick of his wrist.  
  
"You may leave after finishing these simple, peon tasks."  
  
============[]==O  
  
The fellowship, and a few others, filed out of the classroom with a dull, bored look plastered onto their faces. The test had melted their brains to the point of stupidity, and they couldn't help from lamenting on how "frickin' easy" it was.  
  
For some strange reason, Legolas kept giving Frodo sharp, inquiring glances- which the other three hobbits immediately took as a gay thing. It was apparent that Aragorn, who sent hurt looks at Legolas, was jealous.  
  
Sarumon and Gollum were talking animatedly to each other a few seconds later and a "we knows the answer to answers one!" could be heard coming from Gollum.  
  
Boromir stood by the drinking fountain, washing his hands.  
  
All in all, everyone who had taken the test passed. Abet, some of the essay scores were pretty low. For this, Gandalf punished his class with two weeks of more tests and more "you shall not pass" -es. 


End file.
